


Don't Fear The Reaper

by expressdrive



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1447519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/expressdrive/pseuds/expressdrive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin is told to have parts of his body cut in pieces and harvested for later use, but not to worry, because he won't be dead; he'll live- only in a divided state.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Fear The Reaper

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ user gilldebee for EXO Secret Santa 2012. Many many thanks to Rachael and JQ! Inspired by Neal Shusterman's Unwind novel.

 

 

Jongin wanders around a town nine kilometres east of Seoul on a chilly winter night. The street he’s in is illuminated only by a few light posts and moonlight, as usual. His scarf wrapped around his neck which covers up to his mouth. He thinks it’s better like this, so most probably people won’t recognize him. He ruffles his fringe for it to cover his eyes but not entirely, just enough for him to still see where he is walking.

He hangs his head low as he walks, not knowing where he’s heading to. He looks up for a moment and sees a banner from the town’s police, talking about AWOLs just like him. He smiles bitterly, “So I’m one of them now, huh?”

It’s quite amusing how a hundred years have passed and people still go on debating about the right to life.

He digs out his phone from the pocket of his jacket. His phone battery is low and he curses under his breath. “This is great. Where the fuck am I supposed to go?” He asks himself, feeling stupid and helpless.

He has nowhere to go, no one to call. He’s alone. From that very day his parents had requested the order and signed the deal, he’s always been alone since then. Kim Jongin had always been that kid who does nothing in school but sleep during lectures, comes late in class, gets numerous detention notice every school year. He couldn’t count how many times he has seen his parents bow down in apology to his homeroom advisers whenever they were called in school because of his behaviour.

Jongin hates studying. He doesn’t understand why people love going to school so much. He thinks it’s boring and pretty much just a waste of time. Sitting inside the classroom for eight long hours listening to boring lectures of their teachers— he’s sick of it. As days pass, he’s slowly losing interest in everything that relates to things that he has been dealing with since day one.

He goes to school just to spite his parents. He isn’t normally like this. It only started when he was twelve, his father was promoted in the financial company that he’s working in, and since then, Jongin rarely sees him at home. His mother… well, his mother doesn’t really care about him anyway. Maybe she tried, but she never did her best in loving his son. In his mother’s eyes, he’s always been unwanted.

He thinks maybe this is how it feels to be dead. In the eyes of society, what he does is something troublesome; in the eyes of society, he’s nothing but a typical kid who can’t do anything beneficial.

Maybe it’s what his parents think of him, too. Most probably, that’s the reason why his parents requested the order, why they signed the deal. If he gets caught by the police, he knows it’s going to be the end. All he needs to do is hide from them until he reaches the age of twenty. Three years, he thinks. Somehow, it scares him how he doesn’t really have anyone right now.

He decides to spend the night on a bench behind an old looking church. He figures no one would see him if he stays to rest for at least a few hours until the sun rises up. He will keep on moving— he needs to keep on moving. He couldn’t just give up. He couldn’t just give away his life and let a person pull him apart like he’s some toy that needs to be reassembled.

He can’t just go back to his parents. He’s sure the moment his parents see him, they would immediately turn him over to the camp. He’s a runaway now, and it’s not like he has a choice. From the moment he stepped out from his house that night, there’s no way he can come back.

Jongin doesn’t have a choice. People like him— unwinds, don’t really have a choice.

When Jongin slowly opens his eyes with his arm pressed against his forehead, he’s blinded by striking rays of light.

“Oh crap, I slept too much,” he sleepily grumbles. He refuses to sit up, wanting to sleep more but he knows he couldn’t do such thing. A few seconds later, he sees unfamiliar faces starting to hover over him. Jongin feels his heartbeat in his ears and panic arises in him but strangely, he can’t move.

The next thing he knows, a cloth is forcefully pressed on his mouth and nose, and that’s when his body reacts, struggling to get away. His lids suddenly feel so heavy, and before they close, he catches a glimpse of two figures that are a few feet away from where he is.

Jongin doesn’t really cry often. He hates crying because he thinks crying in the sick society that he’s in will just make him pitiful. But when he realizes who those two people are, he suddenly wants to scream and cry. The last thing he sees before his lids give up on him is the image of his parents, doing nothing as he struggles away from the grip of strangers.

Everything turns back to black.

 

 

Jongin wakes up in a small room, walls covered in blue and white. He figures it has been covered recently for the room still reeks of paint. He sits up slowly and looks at himself, realizing that he’s still wearing his clothes from the other night.

He doesn’t take notice of the figure standing by the door— a boy with pale skin, and blonde hair. He looks at Jongin, who finally sits up and grabs his backpack placed at the end of the bed.

“Hey,” the boy calls.

Jongin sits up straight and his grip on his bag tightens. He furrows his brows and eyes the boy from head to toe, “Who are you?”

The boy smiles as he walks towards the bed, “I’m Lu Han. What’s your name?”

Jongin doesn’t answer and stares at him instead. The boy has this kind look you’d get to see on cliché television dramas, that look which belongs to weak protagonists, always beaten up emotionally all throughout the story. His thoughts wander off to what happened last night or maybe the other night? He doesn’t even know what day it is. He thinks of his parents, who just stood there and did nothing.

“Where am I?” Jongin asks instead, and decides he couldn’t really trust anyone.

Lu Han proceeds to sit on the other end of the bed, “You’re in the camp clinic.”

Jongin’s eyes widen upon hearing the word camp, feeling sheer panic rising up his chest.

He takes a good look around the room and the boy who introduces himself as Lu Han. “I need to get out of here,” Jongin whispers to no one in particular and the next second, he’s hastily making his way out of the room, running through the long corridors.

“Wait!” He hears Lu Han call, running after him.

He sees the fire exit, and decides it’s safer to use its stairs. Less than two minutes after, he’s already outside the building, both hands on his knees, catching his breath. He looks around sees numerous trees nearby and he feels his hope crumble as he notices a high metallic barrier surrounding the area. Shit, he curses under his breath.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t dare going through that barrier,” says a voice which is unmistakably Lu Han’s. “That barrier holds 240 volts of electricity, not going off even for few seconds, unless you turn it off there,” Lu Han points to a small building a few meters away from them, “at the functions building.”

Jongin stands up straight and glares at Lu Han who’s leaning against the fire exit door, just like how he does a few minutes earlier.

“Then I’d go and turn it off. I am not afraid,” Jongin challenges, a smirk playing on his lips.

Lu Han smiles at him menacingly, “Yeah sure, go ahead. If they caught you doing that, they’d send two other unwinds along with you to be unwound immediately.” Jongin grits his teeth.

“You know, just thought I’d tell you.” The nonchalance in his voice pisses Jongin off so much.

“What’s the point of telling me all this?” Jongin asks which makes Lu Han look back at him and shrugs.

“Point is, you won’t get out of here. You don’t have a choice.

Jongin notices the change in Lu Han’s eyes. Those eyes look kind and quite endearing before and now, they look empty and void of any emotion.

“Just like you,” Jongin whispers and he doesn’t think Lu Han hears what he just said.

But Lu Han does.

“Yeah,” Lu Han looks anywhere but Jongin, “just like me.”

 

 

Jongin is called to the administrator’s office a few hours later, showing him a copy of the order his parents signed. He wanted to snatch it from that old man and tear it in front of his face. They are four buff guards in every corner of the room. He doesn’t say anything until the guards bring him to a two-storey building in which the guards tell him, “This is going to be your home, kid.”

Home. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Well, you don’t have a choice.”

First, that kid Lu Han. Now, these guards are telling him that he doesn’t have a choice. He doesn’t need other people to tell him that. He’s already aware that he doesn’t have a choice. It’s not pleasing for people to shove it into your face, practically telling you that this is your last stop, this is where you’re going to die.

The corridor is clean, with several doors facing each other on the sides. The walls are painted white, and Jongin thinks that it looks like a typical dormitory.

“This is the where the boys are put in. The girls on the other building.”

The other guard laughs a bit, “Don’t want you to get nasty during night time.”

Jongin doesn’t really have anything to say to that so he doesn’t react and lets them lead him to his room.

They guide him to RM 205, “This is your stop, kid.”

He badly wants to tell them, “Can you fucking stop calling me kid?” But he keeps it in, not wanting to argue anymore. What he needs to think about right now is how to get out of this place. He wouldn’t just let his life end here.

The guards leave when he opens the door. He looks around the small room. It looks a lot like the room he was in a few hours ago, the only difference is that this one has a double-decker. The lower bunk is occupied by someone with messy hair. Jongin couldn’t see much of its color and his face.

The guy emerges from the bed and stands up smiling at him. Jongin looks up at him because the guy is probably a few centimeters taller than him. His hair is colored brown, and he has big eyes and ears.

“I’m Chanyeol.” He reaches out his hand to Jongin but Jongin ignores it. He’s not here to make friends.

Jongin walks past him and dumps his bag on the floor.

Chanyeol retreats his hand and asks, “AWOL?”

Unwind runaways— AWOLs, as the government calls them— Jongin knows there are a lot of them scattered around the country, hiding until they reach the age of twenty-one, so the government would no longer have the right to pick them up and take them to the Harvest Camp.

Jongin freezes and turns to him, his brows furrowed, “How did you know?”

He shrugs, “Just felt like you are one. Why did you run away?” Chanyeol sits back on the bed, crossing his legs and looks at Jongin who decides to take a seat beside the table. He doesn’t really expect Jongin to answer him, so decides it’s better for him to start talking instead.

“I was brought here two years ago,” Chanyeol starts and Jongin doesn’t know why he’s telling this to him all of a sudden. “Storked.”

Jongin looks a bit surprised upon hearing the word. He has never met a storked before. Storked are infants left on doorsteps and homeowners are obligated to raise them.

“Those who brought me up, those whom I consider my parents” Chanyeol continues, “they aren’t really bad. They actually had hopes for me.”

Jongin continues to listen and notices as the smile on Chanyeol’s face slowly falters. “But I endlessly failed them. I am not good at studying, I am clumsy, and I always do things how they are not supposed to be done.

“So they signed an order. I’m not mad at them or anything.” Chanyeol’s smile comes back.

Jongin hangs his head low and laughs lightly and says before looking at Chanyeol straight in the eyes, “You are stupid.”

Chanyeol tilts his head a bit and Jongin repeats, “You are stupid.”

“So that’s it? You’re not going to prove them wrong? You’re just going to accept this? Just going to wait for people here to split your body up?” Jongin gets up from his seat, feeling furious, and not realizing his voice rising.

Chanyeol looks stunned for a second. He doesn’t expect Jongin to blow up.

“I thought that maybe I could be useful,” Jongin sits back and waits for Chanyeol to continue. “Maybe not as a whole, not as myself, but my parts could be for others. I guess it’s better like that than to be useless at all.”

Jongin doesn’t find anything to say and Chanyeol just smiles. Jongin thinks he’s really stupid.

“Jongin.”

Chanyeol shoots him a questioning look.

“My name is Jongin.”

 

 

A week after entering the Harvest Camp, Jongin meets that pale-skinned boy Lu Han again. He learns that Lu Han is older than him, or so Chanyeol says. This time, he sees him settling on the grass beside a huge oak tree behind the camp’s headquarters.

He stares at Lu Han from a distance, and notes that if the metallic barrier isn’t present in the background, it would have been a very serene sight— the boy’s blond locks being swept away by the wind as he takes in the sight of falling leaves. Lu Han may have taken notice of his presence as he snaps his head to where Jongin is.

Jongin feels quite embarrassed and looks anywhere but Lu Han.

Lu Han waves at him and calls, “Come here!”

Jongin is hesitant but moves forward to where Lu Han is. He isn’t quite sure what he’s doing when he’s supposed to be thinking of ways on how to escape. Lu Han pats the space beside him and Jongin follows to settle himself on it.

They don’t say anything for a while, just looking at the grass covering the whole area.

“Hey, you didn’t tell me your name last time,” Lu Han says as he picks a handful of grass, not looking at Jongin.

“It’s Jongin. Kim Jongin.”

Lu Han turns his head to Jongin. “Jongin,” he repeats, as if testing his name to see if it rolls smoothly in his tongue.

“AWOL, right? A runaway. Why did you do that?” Jongin suddenly feels irritated. Who would want to have their body sliced up and just accept the fact that his parents just signed an order to have him unwound? Chanyeol is an exception, Jongin notes. That guy is stupid.

Instead of giving that as an answer, Jongin asks him instead, “Don’t you think it’s sick?”

Lu Han hums, “What’s sick?”

“This. Everything in this society. It’s sick. The bill of life, that amendment to satisfy pro-life and pro-choice individuals, groups, organizations— it’s all bullshit.” It’s too late for Jongin to realize that he sounded so bitter saying that.

“The government instituting a bill of life, giving parents the choice to unwind their children,” Jongin shakes his head, a bitter smile playing on his lips, “that’s bullshit.” That’s cruel.

“For them to decide whether your organs and parts taken for others just because they find you useless, a burden, unwanted— that’s bullshit,” Jongin tightly grabs a handful of grass.

Lu Han looks at him intently, as if wanting him to continue. Jongin feels stupid pouring his emotions to a stranger, to someone he had first laid his eyes on in this place. The bill of life states that unwinding people doesn’t necessarily kills them, they are just— “Living in a divided state— complete bullshit.”

Lu Han sighs, “I was born to be here, you know.”

Jongin’s grip on the grass loosens.

“I am a tithe.”

Jongin furrows his brows at him. “I am the third child in our family. I was born and raised to be brought here in the camp. I am born to be unwound.”

“My parents had explained it to me since I was a kid, and I understand. It was part of our religion’s tradition. I am not the only one. There are a lot of us here, tithes. From the moment we are born, we are bound to be part of others. Tithes never had a choi-”

“Don’t say it.” Jongin stands up abruptly.

Lu Han is taken aback by his actions, “But—”

“Just because you are labelled as one— just because it’s what they told you, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice.” He takes a look at Lu Han’s eyes. Those eyes are looking back at him, soft and inviting, those eyes draw him in.

Lu Han couldn’t suppress his laughter and so he did, his voice ringing all throughout the area. Jongin feels quite offended, “What’s so funny?”

Lu Han shakes his head and looks up to him, “You know what? You’re very interesting.”

“Well—”

“I like it. I like you.”

Jongin feels his cheek warming. He looks anywhere but Lu Han, wishing he wouldn’t notice the uneasiness he’s feeling right at that moment. Jongin couldn’t believe how unpredictable the guy can be. First, he’d told him he’d die first before he could escape, the next thing would be him telling Jongin that he likes him. Weird guy.

Jongin ponders about anything because he doesn’t like the bubbling sensation he’s feeling inside him. It feels weird and he wants it to go away. So he walks away without a word and leaves an amused Lu Han.

 

 

Three weeks in and there goes Lu Han enthusiastically waving his hand in his direction, with a wide smile playing on his lips. Jongin is conflicted whether to nod, or just ignore him.

“Oh, Lu Han!” Chanyeol barks and waves back from behind and Jongin almost spits the drink he’s had in his mouth.

“Weirdos,” Jongin mutters under his breath. Whether Chanyeol heard him or not, he doesn’t care. Chanyeol probably knows it himself, anyway.

He proceeds to sit on the nearby bench, eyes fixed on Chanyeol, who ran fast to where Lu Han is, and a tall, grumpy looking guy. He wonders how did he survive in the camp for three weeks— with Chanyeol as his roommate, with Lu Han bugging him on every chance he can get, with knowing that the fact he’s inside the camp, he’s already one step closer from his death.

His gaze is transfixed on those three; both Chanyeol and Lu Han had smiles on their faces, and the other guy looks neutral, but in general, looking at the three of them—disregarding the fact that they are unwinds— Jongin thinks that they look like typical friends hanging out outside the cafeteria in school. The way they look is something that Jongin would normally see outside the camp.

Jongin fixes his gaze on the empty water bottle in his hand. He’s not quite sure where that discomfort he’s feeling that moment is coming from. He doesn’t want to think more about it, but his mind couldn’t block out things he shouldn’t be thinking of. All he needs to think about right now is how to escape and hide from the eyes of authorities until he turns twenty-one.

But as he looks at the translucent plastic he’s holding, his eyes sees the image of those three instead. There is so much more beneath the smiles they are showing, so much more beneath their usual gestures, so much more beneath the things they say out loud.

Jongin squeezes the bottle hard until the lid pops off.

There is so much more to everything, so much more they can do outside the metal barriers enclosing the camp. But they can’t do anything about it.

At that moment, Jongin swears he will.

 

 

Seven weeks in and Jongin thinks he’s already explored every corner of the camp. He sees those tiny security cameras installed almost everywhere. Seven weeks in and he still isn’t able to come up with a plan on how to escape.

Jongin couldn’t take his mind off of that place where the actual surgical procedure takes place. Chanyeol brought him once inside, and it confuses Jongin how they could just let anyone enter the Chop Shop, as what unwinds call it.

“Chop Shop?”

Chanyeol nods as he scribbles down God knows what on an empty piece of paper. “Yeah, Chop Shop. You know, where they cut your par-”

Jongin winces on the thought and butts in, “Okay, I get it.”

“Do you want me to take you there?”

“You can?” Jongin raises an eyebrow at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol nods once more, “They never forbid us to visit the Chop Shop. I guess they want the place to not appear too foreign for us.”

Jongin snorts. For us to not feel foreign in a place where we are going to die, he supplies but decides not to voice it loud.

The very next day, Chanyeol brings him in the Chop Shop and he feels disgusted seeing the surgical table and tools inside the rooms. All rooms have glass windows so it’s clear enough for him to see them even without entering the room. Chanyeol offers for him to go inside but he declines, not wanting to feel the air inside the room where he’d probably meet his end. That’s if he wouldn’t do something fast to get himself out of the camp.

He feels entirely stupid for letting seven weeks pass without any progress in his plan to escape. As days pass by, Jongin fears how his resolve seems to weaken. He doesn’t know how and why it happened, but he feels like there’s something in the camp that makes him the feel that he really can’t escape, that there isn’t really a way out.

He sighs and rests the weight of his head on his one arm, looking blankly at the ceiling. Also in those seven weeks, he confirms that Chanyeol really is an idiot. When they’re stuck inside their room, he’d let Chanyeol talk all the time.

“Hey, Jongin,” Chanyeol calls from the lower bunk. Jongin doesn’t say anything in return and that usually signals Chanyeol to continue talking.

Chanyeol isn’t bad. In fact, Jongin thinks that if they had met in a different circumstance, he’d want to have him as a friend. He’s that someone that everyone wants to be friends with—loud and vibrant. There are a lot of unwinds who actually have a lot of potential, those who can do something big. They don’t deserve to be here. Nobody deserves to be in this camp, Jongin thinks. No matter how useless you are to the ones who brought you in, it isn’t in their hands to decide to end your life here.

Chanyeol’s deep voice snaps Jongin back to reality. He slowly drifts off to sleep listening to Chanyeol’s voice, and the last thing he hears is Goodnight, Jongin.

Except that’s the last time Jongin would hear Chanyeol’s voice.

The next morning, he wakes up alone in their room. No Chanyeol saying, “Good morning, Jongin! Time to get up, up, up!”; no Chanyeol snoring lightly on the lower bunk. All he sees is that Chanyeol’s bed is oddly neat and all his belongings are gone.

He gets up and sees a note on the table, along with an envelope and a blue face towel. He reads the content of the note, the look of the handwriting looks undeniably Chanyeol’s.

It read, “I heard you lost your face towel the other day, you can have mine! Don’t worry, it’s an extra, I have never used it before. Also, could you do me favour? I am assuming you have already seen the envelope beside this note. Kindly hand it to the Headmaster’s secretary. It would mean a lot to me! Thank you!”

Jongin picks the envelope and reads a small, “To Mom and Dad” written at the back.

He looks back on the note and notices a continuation on the back part.

“It was nice meeting someone like you, Jongin. Whatever you have in mind, I know you can do it.”

Jongin feels his chest tighten. He dashes out to the corridor and meets Lu Han’s eyes from the end of the hall. He walks slowly towards Lu Han, and the other does the same. They meet halfway and Lu Han smiles at him, but it isn’t Lu Han’s usual smile. This time, his smile is full of remorse.

He doesn’t budge when Lu Han gathers him in his arms, Chanyeol’s note still in his hand.

Jongin denies the tear rolling down his cheek.

It’s too late.

 

 

Chanyeol’s unwinding strikes Jongin more than he expected it to. Lu Han often visits him in his room, and even if Jongin doesn’t admit that he’s thankful for that, in reality, he’s more than thankful for Lu Han for putting up with him.

More often than not, Lu Han is fetched by his roommate when he’s talked too much and doesn’t realize that it’s already late at night. His name is Kris and Jongin thinks the guy is a few centimeters taller than Chanyeol. His hair is coloured a shade darker than Lu Han’s and he has these eyebrows that seem to always determine the stoic look on his face.

Lu Han tells him that Kris is actually very kind, despite looking like he’s always mad. Jongin laughs at that, and Lu Han punches him lightly on the shoulder and Jongin thinks it’s probably the first time he feels quite alright after Chanyeol’s unwinding.

“Kris is really kind, though. Believe it or not,” Lu Han says one time as accompanies Jongin after their morning routine with all other unwinds.

Jongin prefers not to argue and just smile.

“I’m glad.”

He gives Lu Han a puzzled look. Jongin is now used to Lu Han blurting out things that he couldn’t really comprehend in one saying, but it doesn’t stop him to go and say, “Huh?” every time it happens.

Lu Han drapes an arm around his shoulder, “It’s the first time I saw you smile since… since that day. I’m glad.”

Maybe it’s now also safe to say that Lu Han often catches him off guard. It’s quite scary to think how Lu Han seems to see through Jongin more than he can see through his own self. Jongin doesn’t know if he should feel good about it, or feel annoyed instead.

But the only thing he’s sure of is the he’s starting to feel alright, and it scares Jongin more than he’s supposed to be.

 

 

“Jongin?”

He’s lying on his back, eyes closed. He’s been trying to sleep for an hour now but he just can’t do so. He hums in reply, urging Lu Han to continue.

“Are you still sad?” Lu Han’s voice is soft, like a child asking his mom if she’s still mad at him.

For a week, Lu Han has always been with him— eating with him, talking with him, making him company. For a week since Chanyeol’s unwinding, Lu Han made sure to bug him wherever he goes, asking him questions non-stop, making him feel that there isn’t any empty spot left in his shared room with Chanyeol. Jongin doesn’t voice it out, but yes, he probably is sad.

Two months felt more like a couple of years in the camp, and for a month, he has been rooming with Chanyeol, and it was his face that he kept on seeing 24/7. Jongin isn’t missing Chanyeol’s company, it just sucks when one day, the one person who has been with you every single day in a cramped room which is the closest to what you can call home, disappears entirely from your life.

Jongin doesn’t open his eyes. “Who even told you that I’m sad?”

Luhan doesn’t answer and Jongin feels the urge to tell his story, on how he became an unwind.

“My parents,” he starts, “they requested an order for me to be brought here.” Jongin feels like Chanyeol when he started talking about how he ended up in the camp two months ago. He suddenly feels regretful for not being able to tell Chanyeol his story. It isn’t like his is something that needs to be told; it’s probably a typical story, parents tired of their troublesome child, thus having them sent to the camp.

“Why?”

He doesn’t want to see the look on Lu Han’s face so he refrains from opening his eyes. “I don’t know, probably tired of me being too troublesome. They probably think there’s something so wrong with me,” he snorts, “because for them, I do bring and do nothing but trouble.”

“That’s not true. I’m sure there’s something you’re good at. Something they won’t find troublesome.” Jongin feels him shift and he refuses to open his eyes still. “Hey Jongin, tell me something you love doing.”

Jongin cracks an eye open and turns to Lu Han, “What?”

Lu Han rolls his eyes, “I said, tell me something you love doing!”

“Where did that even come from,” he deadpans but he can’t deny that he is amused on how random can Lu Han get. How can he even be older than him? That is probably one mystery he wouldn’t be able to figure out for as long as he lives.

“I don’t have any,” Jongin says and closes his eyes again. He hates to admit it but Lu Han’s face distracts him and it’s a lot better to have his eyes shut than face Lu Han or the ceiling, for that matter.

He knows perfectly that he wouldn’t get Lu Han to stop urging him to say something with that answer. “Come on, there must be something! Say, as for me, I can sing.”

Can you sing for me? Jongin suddenly wants to blurt out, but he keeps it to himself because he felt absolutely silly the next second. “Fine,” Jongin sighs and thinks that he’s too tired to even say, I don’t really have any, so he continues, “I dance.”

He hears Lu Han gasp before saying, “You do?” There’s a hint of excitement in his voice and Jongin thinks it’s adorable as he nods in affirmation.

It isn’t a lie, though. He really likes dancing. He does it when he’s alone in his room, after class in that secluded area behind the gym, sometimes when all his classmates have gone to the cafeteria during lunch. He does it behind closed doors. Only God knows how fond he is of dancing.

“I want to see you dance,” Lu Han mutters under his breath. Jongin isn’t quite sure if he’s ready to let another person see him dance. Dancing is something he kept to himself ever since he was a kid. It’s something that stayed with him and the only thing he held on to when he was left alone in the confines of his room.

To Lu Han, it isn’t a request for Jongin to do it right then and there. It’s something he wants Jongin to do on his own will, something he wants Jongin to willingly share with him with.

“Do your parents know?” Lu Han asks instead.

Jongin shakes his head. “You’re the only person I have told about this.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

He yawns and he feels like Lu Han isn’t going to stop asking him questions at the moment. “Are you mad at them for bringing you here?”

Jongin clenches his fist. He doesn’t really know what to answer. Is he angry at them for sending him to the camp? For deciding for his future? For thinking that this is where he should be instead of being at school and hanging out with Sehun and his friends like the usual? Requesting an order for him to be brought inside the camp basically tells him that his parents want to get rid of him as soon as possible. Then yes, maybe he is.

“Maybe,” he answers, not wanting to elaborate.

He feels Lu Han shift closer to him and Jongin doesn’t want acknowledge how that movement made his heart beat a millisecond faster than normal.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” says, and Jongin doesn’t believe him. Sooner or later, they would all leave. It’s just a matter of who will go first. Jongin drifts off to sleep a few minutes later.

“I’ll be here until it’s my turn,” Lu Han whispers but Jongin doesn’t hear it. Luhan gets off the bed and leaves the room to return to his shared room with Kris.

 

 

Jongin thinks that things happen too fast for them to grasp what really is happening. More and more notices have been given out for the next few weeks.

“Has it always been like this?” Jongin asks Kris when they see three people coming out from the administrator’s office, unwinding notice in hand.

“Like what?”

Jongin’s eyes are drawn to the retreating back of the three people. It bugs him how the look on their faces doesn’t really show grief. “Three notices for three consecutive days. Has it always been like this?”

Kris shrugs, “Maybe a lot of people need more parts. Requesting for it.”

“That’s ridiculous. They can’t just go, ‘Hey I need a new arm, unwind one for me please.’” Jongin doesn’t intend to sound bitter but it’s too late for him to realize how bitter his words sounded.

“Well,” Kris digs into his pocket and crumples a piece of paper inside, “that’s how society works now. All we can do is follow.”

 

 

Lu Han breaks when Kris is called to be unwound. He’s always told himself that he’s ready, they’re all ready. But deep inside, he isn’t. Deep inside, there’s something telling him that he is never ready— never ready to lose something dear to him.

The night before Kris’ unwinding, Kris reminds Lu Han that he won’t die, he’ll continue to live, but in a divided state. Just like how the government had carefully sugar-coated the ugly truth. Lu Han shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. He refuses to hear anything Kris is telling him. He silently cries himself to sleep that night.

Not long after falling Lu Han falls into slumber, Kris goes to knock on Jongin’s room on the other end of the hall.

He tells Jongin about his unwinding the next morning, and somehow, the feeling of losing Chanyeol comes back all at once. He doesn’t know how to react, doesn’t know what to say. How is he supposed to act when a person tells you that tomorrow, his body would be pulled apart and sliced up carefully by surgeons, slowly taking away his life from him; that tomorrow, he wouldn’t be the same as he is now, that tomorrow, he’d be gone?

Jongin only asks one thing, “Does Lu Han know?”

Kris nods, and there’s something about him that isn’t Kris. Or maybe, something Jongin hasn’t sensed from him before. The Kris before him that night is the real Kris.

“Until the end, take care of him,” Kris says and it sounds beyond a plea to Jongin. “Please.”

Kris knows it isn’t really necessary for him to ask this from Jongin. Kris knows Jongin is someone really special for Lu Han, and it doesn’t take a genius to notice that Jongin feels entirely the same.

Kris isn’t quite sure if it’s a good thing, but Jongin makes Lu Han genuinely happy. He can see it from the way Lu Han talks about Jongin. He wants Lu Han to be free, and Kris knows Jongin is capable of freeing Lu Han, in any way possible.

He doesn’t wait for Jongin to say anything back. Kris pats Jongin’s shoulder and proceeds to go back to his shared room with Lu Han.

Lu Han doesn’t cry the next morning when Jongin sees him staring up in the sky outside.

They don’t see Kris ever again.

 

 

For the next few weeks, Lu Han and Jongin have always been together. Sometimes, Lu Han would accidentally bring up Kris in their conversations. Jongin always notices how Lu Han’s eyes would water, but no tears ever fall from them.

Sometimes, he’d want to say, it’s okay to cry, but he keeps them all in.

Jongin asks Lu Han one time how being a tithe works. They’re inside Lu Han’s room, seated on the lower bunk. It’s almost dinner time and they both know that a few minutes from now, the bell would ring, signalling them to proceed into the adjacent building to have their dinner.

This is how the camp works. The camp isn’t really a bad place if you look at how they treat unwinds before they are scheduled for their unwinding. It’s just that when you enter, you cannot come out. Entering means you know your end is near.

“Unwinding for tithes like me happens a day before we turn 21,” Lu Han says, his knees pressed against his chest. His words are spoken so clearly and slowly, as if weighing its meaning, as if he just realizes that less than a year from now is his 21st birthday.

He doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Jongin brings up his hand up to Lu Han’s face, wiping his tears away. His hand is warm against his Lu Han’s face and Lu Han doesn’t know why his hand goes up to feel Jongin’s hand in his.

It doesn’t surprise him when he sees Jongin leaning close to his face. Jongin stops when their faces are just an inch apart. He levels his eyes with Lu Han’s and looks at the latter’s lips before pressing his onto Lu Han’s.

They don’t stop kissing until the bell rings. It’s when Lu Han realizes he’s falling. He’s fallen deep, and there probably aren’t any ways to climb back up to where he was before he met Jongin.

Lu Han’s tears keep on falling.

 

 

It’s almost a year when Jongin was brought in the Harvest Camp. One year and he’s never thought of a plan on how to escape, on how to save his life.

He never thought things would turn out this way. He never thought he’d meet Chanyeol, Kris and Lu Han.

Lu Han.

Sometimes he’d fall asleep thinking about life, and how he’d only wanted to live his the way he wanted; how he wished his parents didn’t meddle too much and let him be; how he should be outside, being the same old rebellious Kim Jongin to Sehun, his classmates and teachers.

Sometimes he’d fall asleep muttering the name Lu Han more than thinking of those things.

 

 

He and Lu Han usually stroll around the camp after dinner, and sometimes when it’s dark enough for people not to recognize their figure, when it’s only the moon up above that gives light upon the camp, their hands would find each other.

Sometimes he thinks that maybe this is really how he’s going to die.

But with Lu Han’s fingers interlaced together with his, Jongin dismisses the thought of escaping and thinks that everything is alright.

 

 

“Hey, have you ever thought of the possibility that there might be another Jongin in another universe?”

Jongin laughs, “You’re being silly.”

Lu Han hits him on the shoulder with a pen he’s holding. “I am being serious here!”

“Seriously, what do you think?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not.”

Lu Han slumps his shoulder and throws the pen to Jongin, successfully hitting his chest. Jongin mutters a low ouch and it pleases Lu Han quite a bit. “You’re no fun,” he says.

Sometimes they spend the whole afternoon, talking like this. Lu Han would throw bizarre questions and would end up concluding that Jongin’s no fun. There isn’t really much you can do inside the camp after lunch. All camp routines are done in the morning. That is to ensure that they remain healthy and are fit for the unwinding procedure.

Sometimes, Lu Han would throw bizarre questions at Jongin, and Jongin would end up having his lips on Lu Han’s.

Sometimes, Jongin thinks this is quite enough. Having his skin pressed against Lu Han’s, having his lips pressed onto Lu Han’s, seeing his face close enough for him to see his pores and that small scar under his lower lip— when moments like these happen, Jongin wishes for them to be trapped in a dimension, or thrown into an entirely different universe where they could forget everything and just be themselves— not the unwinds that they are right now, but just Jongin and Lu Han.

It’s times like these that Jongin wishes for time to stop.

 

 

Everything changes when Lu Han sees Jongin coming out from the administrator’s office, a piece of paper in hand. Lu Han has been staying inside the camp for almost six years, and he knows what it means for one to be called in the administrator’s office, and come out with a paper— notice, in hand.

It’s too late for Jongin to hide the paper from Lu Han’s sight.

“Hey, Lu—”

“No.”

He tries to reach for Lu Han but the latter is fast in grabbing Jongin’s other hand, snatching the notice from Jongin’s grip.

Jongin doesn’t do anything when Lu Han runs away, notice in hand.

He doesn’t know what to do about it. There isn’t really anything he can do about it, and there's a grim smile playing on his lips, because they're right. He doesn't have a choice.

 

 

Jongin sees Lu Han the next morning in the cafeteria. He’s almost sure Lu Han has been crying basing on how his eyes look— a little bit red and puffy.

It pains him to see Lu Han like this, like how he’s conflicted, unlike the Lu Han he met on his first day in the camp. He runs up to the queue along with Lu Han, but the latter is fast on walking away, leaving his tray on the counter.

Jongin contemplates on going after him but decided not to. He walks back to his seat and wonders if it’s a good idea not to talk everything out with him.

Lu Han avoids him for a week.

 

 

Chest heaving, Lu Han locks the door knob, just to be sure Jongin would not barge in at any moment. He can’t risk himself being seen by Jongin crying. He slumps on the bed, the lower bunk where Kris originally sleeps in when he was still there. When he was still alive.

Knowing himself, he wouldn’t dare say such thing. He is alive, but divided in parts, he would say that instead. That was before he met Jongin. Knowing now that Jongin would become like how Kris and Chanyeol were, he can’t seem to bear with the thought of Jongin being alive, but divided in parts.

All these years he had been fooling himself. Entering the Harvest Camp is the beginning of an end to unwinds. They feed you with nutritious meals, make you feel like a normal teenager living in dorms, but once you get on the operation table inside the chop shop, with the blinding light hovering above you and surgeons surrounding you, that’s it. That’s how everything ends for unwinds.

He runs his hand along the sheets. Of course, it isn’t the same sheet Kris had before, it has long been changed into a new one, still plain white just like any of the other sheets in every room. But somehow, Kris’ scent still lingers on the fabric, and Lu Han feels silly for a second because how can that even be? But he does, and he buries his face deeper on the foam, tears staining the white fabric

“Kris, what should I do?” Lu Han mumbles in between sobs. He wishes Kris is there to tell him what to do. He wishes Kris is there to tell him it’s going to be alright. But Kris isn’t there anymore; there is no way he’ll be back. Lu Han is on his own now. He needs to think on his own and weigh the consequences of the things running on his mind at the moment. Taking a deep breath, he sits up on the bed and wipes his tears away

He’s not going to let Jongin die.

 

 

Lu Han barges inside Jongin’s room and engulfs him in a hug the moment he gets up from his bed the next day and presses his nose on the crook of Jongin’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

Jongin is quite surprised by the sudden gesture but proceeds to wrap his arms around Lu Han. Not talking to him for a whole week was pure torture, but he knows it’s better to let it past for a while until Lu Han is ready to deal with him again. “You don’t have to apologize,” he kissed Lu Han’s forehead, “you’ve done nothing wrong.”

Lu Han shakes his head, “No, I shouldn’t’ have acted like that. I—”

Jongin shushes him with a kiss, this time on the lips. “Stop. Let’s forget about it, okay?” Jongin smiles at him and he knows that the smile Lu Han gives him back isn’t the usual smile Lu Han has. But he can deal with that later. For now, he gathers Lu Han in his arms and feels his warmth; something that has been so familiar to Jongin for the past year, something that keeps him going.

 

 

For a number of times that week, just when the clock strikes twelve, Lu Han sneaks out of his room. Every time he goes out, he brings with him a small flashlight, a Swiss knife he got from the brother three years ago, and a stun gun.

Sometimes Lu Han wonders if he’s doing the right thing, but then again, nothing can be considered right anymore. The borderline between right and wrong has become too thin in this society. Attempting to separate both is like wanting to divide the Pacific Ocean into two distinct bodies of water.

So he goes out every night to do what he did not think he is capable of doing even in his dreams. All this for the things that he believes in, all this for the man who changed him, all this for the man who made him realize how he really wanted to live his life, not as a tithe, but simply as Lu Han.

 

 

Lu Han stays up late in Jongin’s room one night. He doesn’t have any intention to go back to his room. The guards could go and check his room to find it empty for all he cares.

The only thing that matters to him now is how good it is to have Jongin run his hands through the expanse of his thighs; his shorts and underwear have long been discarded on the floor, shirt pulled up to his chest. He trembles under Jongin’s touch, and he wants to do the same for Jongin, wants to touch him the way Jongin does.

So he leans onto Jongin and whispers on his ear, “Let me touch you, too.”

Jongin gulps as he nods, pulling his shirt over his head. They kiss as Lu Han proceeds to undo the tie of Jongin’s boxers. Jongin breaks the kiss to quickly pull off his boxers and lay it along with Lu Han’s garments on the floor.

This isn’t their first time together, but it always feels like it. Jongin likes how Lu Han pants and groans as Jongin strokes him slowly while kissing his chest, up to his collarbones, to his neck, to both cheeks, up his forehead, back down his eyelids to his nose and finally on his lips. When Jongin does this to him, it doesn’t really take long for Lu Han cry out in pleasure, coming undone and staining Jongin’s hand with warm, sticky substance.

Jongin would always give Lu Han ample time to steady his breathing, and Lu Han loves how Jongin never tells him to hurry up and do the same thing for him, to touch him like he does to Lu Han.

Lu Han does it on his own will, starting by kissing and sucking on Jongin’s collarbones, as he thumbs on Jongin’s shoulder blades. Lu Han loves the sounds coming from Jongin whenever he does that. He proceeds to nibble on Jongin’s nipples, then down to his belly, playing with the fine hair leading to where Lu Han gives Jongin utmost pleasure and he envelopes it with his hand, pumping for a couple of seconds before giving the head a single swipe of his tongue.

The act makes Jongin squirm for a second or two. Lu Han advances to lick the shaft slowly and repeatedly, leaving no spot dry. When he hears Jongin groan, Lu Han takes him in slowly, inch by inch, and he hollows his cheek to take him in deeper as he can go.

Lu Han bobs his head and repeats the action for a while until Jongin’s hand are squeezing hard on Lu Han’s shoulder, and Lu Han feels the warmth of Jongin’s release down his throat. Lu Han doesn’t really mind. It’s Jongin’s and he’s doing it on his own will. Their intimacy doesn’t need words, all they need to do is have their hands and lips do the talking, and find their way to where it pleases them both.

They press their foreheads together and Jongin pulls Lu Han closer by his waist, while Lu Han’s hand rests around Jongin’s nape. They kiss and Jongin couldn’t care less how he can taste himself in Lu Han’s mouth.

They settle on bed a few moments after, and Lu Han sticks close to Jongin before dozing off. Jongin pulls the blanket over their naked forms and kisses Lu Han’s forehead before succumbing to sleep, hoping to dream of him and Lu Han waking up in an entirely different world— where they could be who they want to be. They could be doctors, engineers, architects, or even entertainers. They could be idols where millions of fans look up to them, where he can dance and Lu Han can sing.

But in all honesty, in the deepest part of his mind, Jongin hopes to go back to the time where he refused to entertain and just ignored Lu Han, so it wouldn’t be too hard to leave. But he knows it’s impossible. His unwinding can’t wait until a time machine is finally invented by a genius or some sort in their time, so he hopes and prays for something else.

Jongin prays to be one with the wind after his unwinding so he can dry up Lu Han’s tears when he’s gone.

 

 

Jongin stares at the metal barrier a few feet away from where he stands, both hands in the front pockets of his pants. Its texture and colour combined looks cold and definitely not pleasing to the eyes. But Jongin continues to stare at it, as if he’s seeing through it.

Five more days.

Five more days and it will all be over. Jongin ponders on things, like what if he and Lu Han had met in a different circumstance. Would they still get together? Would he feel the same for Lu Han and Lu Han for him? Would Lu Han have the same hairstyle as what he has right now? Would he have the same smell? Random questions run in Jongin’s mind, and he can’t quite figure out why he’s doing this to himself. Not when he’s supposed to be spending his time with Lu Han as long as he can.

He continues to think, if he and Lu Han would be the same, and just live outside the camp, free from the authorities, free from the bill that snatched away their freedom to live their life the way they wanted, they could live together, say in an apartment or a small house. They could have Chanyeol and Kris as their neighbours and all other unwinds inside the camp.

He can imagine them watching soccer games on TV, messing in the kitchen together, cuddling under the covers at night. They could travel the world and share kisses on every famous tourist spot they go to. Maybe they could adopt children, raise and love them together as their own. They would grow into fine, responsible citizens of their country and would make them both proud.

They would grow old together and feel satisfied and happy with how they lived their life. In their final years, they would look back on the days they laughed until they cried, and cried until they decided to laugh it off a few hours later, apologizing and promising to do better next time.

Jongin smiles at the thought and looks at the barrier through the tears clouding his eyes. Too bad all of those won’t happen, but in his next life, or if he exists in another universe, he hopes he’s still Kim Jongin who meets Lu Han, in a world that is free from the detrimental rules and regulations of this society.

He clenches his fist inside his pocket, hangs his head low and let his tears fall.

 

 

Three days before his unwinding, Jongin reaches out for Lu Han’s hand as they sit under the tree just behind the camp's headquarters. Jongin feels the warmth of Lu Han’s palm, tracing circles on it with his fingertips. In times like this, he forgets about his parents who requested the order for him to be brought inside the harvest camp, forgets about his only friend who turned his back on him knowing that he’s one of the unwanted, forgets about what’s bound to happen in three days time. He forgets about being unwind.

Jongin doesn't really care anymore.

“What are you thinking about?” Lu Han asks, drawing invisible circles on Jongin’s palm.

Jongin shrugs. “Nothing really, just that time when I accidentally saw you taking a shower.”

Lu Han laughs and Jongin suddenly wants to cry. Three days from now, he wouldn’t be able to hear Lu Han’s laughter. “Stop making fun of me,” Lu Han says but the smile on his face urges Jongin to tease him further. “Seriously, what are you thinking about?”

Jongin looks up just so Lu Han won’t see his smile faltering. He doesn’t have the courage to tell Lu Han that he’s thinking of his smile, and how he wouldn't be able to see it again after he falls apart.

Seconds passed and Jongin feels both of Lu Han’s hands on his face, and a pair of lips pressed onto his a millisecond after. The kiss only surprises him for a moment, and his hand goes to Lu Han’s neck, the other on his waist. Lu Han’s kisses, too— it’s another thing he’s definitely going to miss.

A few weeks, months, years from that moment, his hands might get to hold another hand of someone that Jongin doesn’t know, his eyes might get to see things Jongin would never want to see in this lifetime, his ears might get to hear things he would never dare to listen to, his legs and feet might go to places he never imagined himself to be in.

When Jongin closes his eyes, it is not darkness that clouds his vision, instead he sees Lu Han. He thinks that maybe this is how he’ll keep on living. This will get him by until they see each other again somehow, somewhere, in heaven, in hell, or in a different universe.

But for now, his lips are on Lu Han’s, his hands are on Lu Han’s body, his legs and feet close to Lu Han’s and even with his eyes closed, it’s Lu Han he is seeing behind his eyelids. Right now, those are the things that matter most to Jongin. He’s trying his best to savour anything he can, as how he is and how Lu Han sees and feels him at the moment.

Because three days from now, Kim Jongin would cease to exist.

 

 

It’s a quarter past twelve midnight when Lu Han sneaks in the functions room. It took him five long days to trample on the security without getting caught by the guards and operators. He carefully slips into the main functions room; the man in charge who seems to be dozing off has his back on Lu Han. He readies the stun gun he stole from one of the guards a week ago.

Patting the shoulder of the man, the latter turns, still groggy with sleep. “What are you—” Lu Han doesn’t let him finish and gets the stun gun working, exposing the metal tips on the man’s exposed skin. Lu Han immediately ties up the hands and feet of the operator with a rope tightly. He also presses a tape on his mouth to keep him from shouting in case he regains consciousness.

He quickly fumbles on the numerous buttons set right before his eyes. He studied which buttons are the right buttons to push for the past week with the help of the manual which he stole from the administrator’s office. The amount of offenses he’s done for the past two weeks are enough for him to be seriously punished, and if caught, the head of the camp and the government might not wait for his birthday to have him unwound.

He finds twenty buttons which control the current flowing within the metal barrier. Each panel corresponds to specific portions of the barrier. He pushes button number thirteen to stop the current flow for the barrier nearest to their dorm. Lu Han crouches down to see an overwhelming number of wires in different colours under the each panel. He looks for the wire, which turns out to be five wires per button, which connects to button thirteen and proceeds to cut it with small pliers attached to his Swiss knife.

After successfully cutting the wires, he sprints back to their dorm, barging inside Jongin’s room. He’s not surprised to see how Jongin is awake at midnight. How can you sleep knowing that in a few hours, your body parts would be surgically taken apart from each other?

“Lu Han? Why are you still awake?”

“There’s no time to talk, Jongin. Let’s go.” Lu Han takes a hold of Jongin’s wrist and drags him out of the room.

“Lu Han, where are we going?” Jongin asks, still puzzled on why Lu Han is acting strangely. It’s new for him to see Lu Han like this— like he’s anxious but at the same, thrilled.

“Out. I’m getting you out of here,” Lu Han continues to brisk walk, leaving a stunned Jongin behind.

Lu Han stops on his track and looks back at Jongin. “What did you say?”

“Look, we have to move faster before they find out what I did. I’ve deactivated the current on that barrier with the nearest tree. All you need to do is climb up the tree and—”

“Wait, what?”

Lu Han sighs, “Jongin, isn’t this what you want? Didn’t you want to get out of here? This is your only chance.”

Jongin laughs incredulously. “Yes, but that was before I met you. That was before I knew someone who could actually make bear all things I thought I couldn’t. Lu Han, are you seriously telling me to leave you here?” he cups Lu Han’s cheeks and Jongin wanted to cry, what has gone into Lu Han’s mind? “Have you gone mad, Lu Han?”

Lu Han shakes his head, “I just— I don’t want you to die. It’s better to know you’re out that knowing you’d be on the surgical table, those people cutting you into pieces. So come on and—”

“Only if you’ll come with me,” Jongin says firmly, “I’d only go if you’d escape with me.”

Lu Han’s eyes grow wider. This is not something he’d thought he would hear. Never in his life had he thought of escaping from the Harvest Camp. Maybe because he was prepared for this ever since he was a kid. “But I shouldn’t. I could not possibly—”

“Then this conversation is over. Forget about escaping, I am not going.” Jongin turns to go back to the dorm, leaving Lu Han in the dark. The only thing that illuminates the area are dim light posts which do not really help in giving them much light to see clearly, it’s the moon that gives majority of the light, illuminating the whole vicinity of the camp.

As he looks at Jongin’s retreating back, Lu Han thinks of what will happen in a few hours. He wouldn’t get to see him again after he’s ushered inside the Chop Shop, just like Chanyeol and Kris. Either way, it’s going to be the same. Lu Han doesn’t think he would last long in bearing the grief of losing another person so close to him. Especially that one person who changed him in so many ways, within just a little amount of time.

He catches up to Jongin and stops him by grabbing his elbow. “I’ll go with you.”

Jongin turns back and Lu Han throws his arms around Jongin. “Let’s escape and be free wherever fate brings us,” Lu Han pulls away from Jongin and his tears run down his face, but he doesn’t let it overpower the smile on his face, “together.”

Jongin nods and they don’t waste any more time and jog up to the tree. They’re lucky to have many sturdy branches to step on, but that definitely gave them slight wounds on their ankles and arms.

In less than ten minutes, they get to grab onto the top of the barrier. Jongin goes first and helps Lu Han follow suit. They settle themselves on the thick barrier which Jongin guesses to be four to six feet thick.

“Are you alright?”

Lu Han pants and nods repeatedly. They’re surprised to hear the security alarm ring a few seconds later and Lu Han prays for the authorities not to get them. “We need to hurry!”

They stand up to see something they wished they wouldn’t see, but never dismissed the fact that they may see it.

The land they see is probably kilometres apart from where they are, and the thing below them is water, a vast body of water continuing to the horizon to the west. Jongin gulps and Lu Han holds his hand. The alarm doesn’t stop ringing and they hear another set of sirens coming from the other side.

Jongin feels like his heart is going to jump off of his chest, and he isn’t quite sure if Lu Han feels the same. They are one step away from falling into the body of water which is a couple of meters below where they are. They could die— no, they will die if they jump.

But Jongin thinks that if they go back and let the authorities get them, what difference would it make? They would still die, and probably have them unwound before they even get to see the sun rise.

Lu Han squeezes his hand and looks at him straight in the eyes. There’s something in Lu Han’s eyes that Jongin has never seen before. He looks determined more than ever. This isn’t Lu Han whom he met more than a year ago inside the camp, isn’t the tithe who accepted his fate without resistance, isn’t the guy who silently cried over the unwinding of his friend.

But at the same time, this is still Lu Han whose smile gave Jongin the will to survive in the past year inside the camp, whose hands he always liked to hold, whose lips he always loved to kiss— this remains to be Lu Han who Jongin loves.

This is Lu Han, who did everything for them to get away, something Jongin failed to do. It’s quite amusing to think how as time passed by, as Jongin falls hard for Lu Han, his resolve to get away slowly but surely crumbled. But to his surprise, it didn’t disappear entirely.

Right at that moment, he’s holding tight the hand of Lu Han who now embodies how Jongin was supposed to be when he first set foot in the camp— wanting to escape and resist fate.

“Ready?” Lu Han shouts so Jongin could hear him amid all the noise.

Jongin leans in for a quick kiss. This could be our last, he thinks. “Ready!”

None of them says goodbye, because it really isn’t goodbye. They could survive, they could go move to another country, they could marry, they could adopt kids, they could grow old be proud parents, and the moment their time would come, they could smile and proudly say that they have lived.

At that moment, they only have their hearts and minds eager to taste freedom. They have their hands linked, too in love to let go. Jongin and Lu Han hold on to that, only that and they have nothing else to give, and nothing else to lose.

They hear the camp security alarm still ringing loudly in their ears, sirens from external force coming to get them; yet the wind feels oddly temperate and reassuring, urging them to go and never look back.

And so they jump, and as they fall, the deafening sound of the alarm fades into the background, Lu Han’s warm hand pressed tightly with his, and Jongin thinks that dying like this is fine with him.

 

 

The twin splashes on the water down below fades along with noise inside the camp, and the moonlight continues to shine high up above.


End file.
